Hopeless feeling

So I am really to get worried about Mike and I....feels like a rut again. Or worse :( which I hope not. He has this West Virginia run, he is just all to eager to do now. He is starting to leave earlier than he used to before. I really hope it isn't what I think it is. I know I should talk to him, that's what we agreed to, but it seems more and more I do that he gets mad about it....I don't know what to do. I'm very depressed. I have started cutting to take the pain way. I know it dangerous thing to do. Except I hear myself saying "do it", " just enough to see blood"....I hate feeling....I Hate have all of these emotions at once, some are so confusing, I can't sort through them. And other days everything makes perfect sense...I have decided not to cut anymore on my arm, its to hard to explain away... Cats etc.... I wish I could find a place where I could hide from everything.