Change of things

I saw my Doc. and she made some changes to my meds. She put me on cymbalta and took me off effoxor. I'm also seeing a psych now. So we' all see how that goes...hopefully for the good.
Yesterday marked a time stamp for me... My youngest turned 16. It was excited and hard all at once...he is happy which great!  He spent the rest of his birthday with his friends having a huge party one of his friends was having for him it was very nice.  The Hubby and I are learning what it is like to be by our selves... Its very different. And the house seems very big. He even commented on that. Looks he is finally seeing it.

Life as we know it

So its been what...well over a couple of month's.  I have lived in truck, while my husband drove for two weeks, I have a better idea of he does on the job daily now...he is a truckdriver long haul. I watched one daughter move out. And cried silently because my "baker"middle girl is gone now...the one I constantly butted heads with too. The one gave me my precious granddaughter. I get to see her every other weekend. Thank God!  I know both my granddaughter and I would not stand for being apart again. We both hated it . I wish...I do wish I had the closeness back though I once had with her mom. I really miss that. We had our Christmas it was nice and quiet. The same with the coming of the New Year 2015. February brought my oldest son home with his partner we had wonderful visit with them. I miss them.  Then Apirl hit...something happened. I'm not sure what even as I type this out I can't think. My mind keeps stumbling over letters and words .thoughts of not want anymore pain or hurt keep going through my head. It worry's me. A lot. I have tried S before by pills but my husband stopped me. I really hope that when see my Doc next we can get my meds. fixed right.
My youngest daughter has also decided to try the move out thing... Which she did last week after Easter... Of course I'm a bawling sniffling mess! After she leaves. She comes home very few days for this a that...but I'm secretly hoping its because she wants to come home. My oldest daughter and I are very close. We are hoping to move down near her. Right now its just too far apart.  So this is my life as I know it I'm basically now living one day at time trying to get through that day. My depression is bad, its like it black fog that wants to eat my entire body... And I have to fight it daily to see any kind of light. Sometimes I just don't care. There are days I just don't. And Then there are days I do care. I care very much. And I fight. And it hurts. I really hate feeling this way.